Isn’t it interesting how people always talk about their haters? Songs are written about them, arguments have started because of them, and we see memes on social media concerning haters daily. How many have heard or even used the saying, “My haters are my elevators?” Yes. I have too.
I want to let you in on a little secret. Your haters are not the problem. You are.
I know I probably lost you right there but hear me out. I once heard a wise woman named Pastor Regina Harris say “Haters are not my elevators. That means they would determine how high I can go.” That totally blew my mind. I, too, have gotten on the “my haters” train and that knocked the wheels off my caboose. We give haters too much power. No one determines my success, purpose, or how far I rise.
So this made me think. If haters aren’t holding us down, then who is the problem? You got it. We are our own worst enemy. However, there are many ways we get in the way of our own success in life and I’m going to provide a few critical steps to stop that cycle.
- Get rid of limiting beliefs. Many times we let fear and doubt get in our way so we fall short of fully succeeding in our homes, businesses, churches, and communities. Here is one type of limiting belief. I’ve heard married women say that all men cheat. This is not only a limiting belief, but also a huge lie. When you believe that all men cheat, you are accepting that men are incapable of loving only one woman and treating her like the gift God created her to be. Going into a marriage, they believe and are mentally preparing themselves that the man will fail. Let me encourage you. Real men don’t cheat. When you truly love someone, you do everything possible not to hurt them. Don’t be afraid to believe that men are more than capable of being faithful when he loves God and his wife.
Another example of a limiting belief is one that business owners struggle with. Many believe that people won’t pay the set fees for their products or services. With this belief system, you will find yourself discounting your business, giving people discounts and hookups, and eventually possibly going out of business. I was once told by a wonderful coach, Sophia Casey, to set my prices and don’t apologize for them. No matter what you charge, someone will always think it’s too much and someone is always think it’s not enough. Also, when you cheapen your business, that’s how consumers will treat it.
Stop getting in the way of your own happiness, growth and success by having a small mindset. Limiting beliefs lead to limited results.
- Learn to let people go who are not helping you reach where God wants you to go. Many times we choose to keep people in our lives that are not good for us. All the signs are there and we still don’t let go. I’ve even seen where people have ejected toxic people from their lives and voluntarily let them back in. It’s important to master the art of loving certain people from a distance. Here’s an example. What if you stated you wanted to go back to school to further your education and a family member reminded you that no one in your family went to college? What if that family member tried to say, in a negative way, that you were trying to be better than the rest of the family? Bam. You see what you’re dealing with. Stop seeking that person’s approval and stop telling them your dreams and goals. They are not in your corner concerning your decision to continue your education. You love them and keep moving towards your destiny.
- You can’t be afraid to take a hit. Many people don’t want to take risks because they’re afraid of dealing with adversity. Some people will never swim in the sea of their success because they’re still standing on the shore of possibility. Anytime you’re about anything great in life, there will be challenges. That’s ok. They’re designed to help you grow and develop into the best you that you were created to be.
- Always be kind. You never know who you’re dealing with or who God wants to use to help you succeed. I have seen many people destroy possible opportunities because they’ve mistreated individuals because they didn’t see the value in them. Here’s a quick story. I’m a children’s author and had a booth at the South Carolina Book Festival in 2015. I had a lot of traffic at my table. Many people were buying while others were browsing. One lady was at my table for a while asking questions, looking at my book, and having general conversation. She didn’t buy anything like the other customers did but I never treated her like she didn’t matter or wasn’t just as important as they were. She left and came back about an hour later. This time, she introduced herself as Cheryl Corbin and informed me that she was the Director of the Augusta Literary Festival. Because of the way I conducted myself and treated her with so much kindness, she invited me to be an author at the festival. Could you imagine how that could have ended if I would have been rude or didn’t talk to her because she wasn’t a paying customer? The moral is to treat EVERYONE with kindness. It’s just the right thing to do and it will take you a long way in life. Many times God will use who you least expect to take you to your next level. Don’t get in your own way by mistreating others.
These steps are just a few that you can apply to your life, business, home, and any area necessary to improve and get out of your own way. It’s sad to be stuck and you have the power to free yourself. So stop concerning yourself with haters because they’re fulfilling their purpose. They are not important and do not have any power unless you give it to them. Work on who God created you to be and the purpose He has for your life. With Him, you win.